Im at strip club and am horny
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
