somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
