That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
