just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
