Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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