Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
