Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize