I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize