He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
