Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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