Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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