She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Drunk is not a location!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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