I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
