Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
