the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize