2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
