well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
