Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think your dad took our porno
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
