At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
