Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
