I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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