working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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