We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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