I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
