Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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