if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
