A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
