I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I came so hard my ears popped.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize