Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
