i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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