Whod you bang
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
