So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize