Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh god it's open bar.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
