yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
