He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
