Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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