Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
