we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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