If that was your dad, he is hot
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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