At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
