Operation Purity has been aborted
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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