I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
