i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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