Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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