i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
