LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
