Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize