Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
