Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need water and some morals
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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