she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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