there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
