# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
