You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
