My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
