I cockslap morals
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
