Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
