Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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