I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You are a genius and a whore.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
