Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
