Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
