I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
