My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
